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INTRODUCTION This manual describes the ways in which The Jewish Center can be of help, stating as completely as possible The Jewish Center’s resources and policies. While it also outlines Jewish law and customs regarding death and mourning, it is not all-inclusive. We urge you to seek more information and guidance either from the clergy and professional staff of the synagogue or from the sources listed in the short bibliography at the end of this handbook. Some members of The Jewish Center consider Jewish law to be a strict guide of observance. Others use it as a model for fashioning rituals to express their personal spirituality. The Jewish Center clergy is always available to you to offer guidance in the tradition as well as in adapting the laws of burial and mourning to your specific needs, within the bounds of Conservative practice. Please keep in mind that Jewish tradition insists that the laws and customs of death and mourning described in this booklet apply to every Jewish person. Further, these laws and customs apply to a non-Jewish member of a Jewish family. If you have questions about this or any other aspect of death and mourning, please be in touch with us. We want to do what we can to help – including in advance of the death of a family member. It is our whole community’s loss if we cannot support our members when they are preparing for or dealing with the loss of a loved one. Before or at the time of need, families may wish to make arrangements for burial plots. When purchasing a burial plot, consider the following:
The Jewish Center owns plots in the Beth Israel Memorial Park in Woodbridge (US Highway 1, Woodbridge, NJ, (732) 634-2100) and in Washington Cemetery in Deans (104 Deans Rhode Hall Road, Deans, NJ, (732) 297-2336). You can purchase these plots by contacting the Administrator at The Jewish Center, (609) 921-0100 ext. 205. There are other Jewish burial plots in cemeteries in our area; for information please contact the Administrator at The Jewish Center. MAKING PREPARATIONS IN ADVANCE Sometimes it becomes obvious that death is imminent. Our clergy are available to speak with you at these times; they will help you make arrangements for the funeral ceremony, discuss the possibility of organ donation, and be of general assistance and support. The members of the family (including the one who is dying) are encouraged to participate in these discussions. Speaking with a funeral director prior to the time of death may be helpful. The funeral director can explain the services provided and the associated costs. Orland’s Ewing Memorial Chapel, (609) 883-1400, is an exclusively Jewish funeral home in our area, with facilities for taharah and shmirah. (Note: italicized Hebrew terms are explained later in this guide.) The Star of David Memorial Chapel in Princeton also conducts Jewish funerals. Please remember that the clergy and administrative staff of The Jewish Center are ready and willing to help you whenever needed. WHAT TO DO AT THE TIME OF DEATH Please call Rabbi Feldman at The Jewish Center, (609) 921-0100, ext. 203. If it is not during normal business hours, call that number and follow the voicemail prompts for clergy emergencies. In the event of a death or any other emergency, it is permissible to call on Shabbat or on a holiday. Even if the funeral will not take place locally, our community wants to know of your loss and be supportive. Our clergy can assist with the logistical details in and out of the Princeton area such as funeral preparation and shiva minyanim. They are also available to provide emotional support. WHAT HAPPENS FROM TIME OF DEATH TO THE FUNERAL Who Is a Mourner According to Jewish Law: The laws of mourning apply to the seven most immediate relatives: father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister and spouse. While we may feel sad and even mournful for other close relatives, it is only for these seven that a person is required to observe the laws and customs of Jewish mourning. The laws and customs of mourners apply to all Jewish adults even if the deceased is not Jewish. One specific member of the immediate family should be designated to handle all the arrangements. After consulting with all the family members, this person can then coordinate all funeral arrangements and details of shiva. If you are not sure which funeral home to contact, our clergy will be able to make suggestions. Funeral services may be held at a funeral home or at The Jewish Center. The Jewish Center is available to members for funerals, and may also be used by non-members for a fee. It is also possible to have a graveside funeral. There is no fee to congregants for funerals conducted by our clergy for immediate family members; clergy fees for non-members’ funerals should be discussed with our clergy. Please note that funeral services conducted by our clergy and at The Jewish Center must be part of a funeral that conforms to Jewish law in general and, specifically, does not involve cremation. If the funeral and/or burial will take place out of the local area, the clergy can be of assistance in finding a proper funeral home to contact. The same rituals apply in different locations and care should be given to explain to the out-of-the-area funeral home that these are the rituals that should be followed. If one needs help finding information about funeral homes outside of our local area, we recommend the following website of the Jewish Funeral Directors Association: www.jfda.org/listing_state_city.html. Traditional Jewish Burial and Funeral Rituals: The practical and the simple govern Jewish rituals. While we respect life, we accept the reality of death. We treat the body with dignity and with care, reflecting our respect for the life that has left it. Here are descriptions of some of the practices involved: Shmirah is the process of having shomrim, or watchers, who are Jews and remain with the body at all times from when it arrives at the funeral home until the funeral service, and recite psalms until the final funeral arrangements begin. It is a sign of respect that the body is never left alone. Taharah or purification is the ritual washing and dressing of the body. After the washing and purification, the body is then dressed in simple cotton, muslin or linen garments called tachrichin or shrouds. A tallit with one of its tzizit or fringes cut off may be draped over the shroud. Our community has a Chevra Kadisha, or Burial Society, of volunteers who will do this ritual washing and preparation (at no charge); there is a separate group of men who care for men who have died, and women who care for women. If you wish their services, you can make arrangements through the funeral home. A simple wooden coffin is preferred, symbolizing the belief that all people are equal before God. Because public viewing is disrespectful in Jewish tradition, the coffin remains closed once the body has been placed in it. All Jewish funeral homes offer shomrim, tahara and tachrichin. Please discuss these with the funeral home so you can make your wishes known. During your meeting at the funeral home, it is important to finalize the following practical arrangements:
Traditional Jewish law prohibits cremation, embalming and autopsy. However, minimal embalming and/or an autopsy are permitted when there are extenuating circumstances such as death from a rare disease or if mandated by civil law. If these issues are raised, our clergy can help you understand the laws involved and how to deal with them. Out of respect for the deceased and for the bereaved, Jewish law calls for burial to take place as soon as possible. At times, practical considerations may influence the scheduling of the funeral, such as transporting the deceased, travel for immediate family, Shabbat, and holidays. | ||||||||||
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