Prayer for Kindling the Shiva Memorial Candle

The light of life is a finite flame.  Like the Sabbath candles, life is kindled.  It burns, it glows, it radiates warmth and beauty, but then it fades and is no more.  Yet we must not despair.  We are more than a memory vanishing in the darkness.  With our lives we give life.  Something of us can never die; we move in the eternal cycle of darkness and death, of light and life.  The memorial light we now kindle is a sign of this truth.  As it burns pure and bright, so may the memory of our dear ________________ brighten and purify our lives.

Neir A-do-nai Nish-mat A-dam נר ה' נשמת אדם
The human spirit is the light of Adonai, the Eternal.

Prayer for Getting up from Shiva

Our period of formal mourning is ended.  It is time to return to our customary pursuits.  Though our grief is not spent, we pray that it may begin to abate and that, little by little, strength and hope and consolation will enter our hearts.  That would truly be God’s healing.  Let us now rise, as a sign that our time of Shiva is over.

ה' עוֹז לְעַמּוֹ יִתֵּן.  ה' יְבָרֵךְ אֶת עַמּוֹ בַשָּלוֹם
A-do-nai oz le-a-mo ye-tein.  A-do-nai ye-va-rech et a-mo va-sha-lom.
May God give strength to our people.  May God bless our people with peace.

Prayer for Lighting a Yahrtzeit Candle

At this moment, I/we pause for thought in memory of my/our beloved _______________.  I/We give thanks for the blessing of life, of companionship, and of memory.  I/We am/are grateful for the strength and faith that sustained me/us in the hour of my/our bereavement.  Though sorrow lingers, I/we have learned that love is stronger than death.  Though my/our loved one is beyond my/our sight, I/we do not despair, for I/we sense my/our beloved in my/our heart as a living presence.  Sustained by faith, comforted by precious memories, I/we kindle the yahrtzeit light in remembrance.  As this light burns pure and clear, so may the blessed memory of the goodness of my/our dear __________ illumine my/our soul.

(The yahrtzeit candle is now kindled)

For A Male                                         For a Female
 זכרונו לברכה - Zich-ro-no li-v’ra-cha           זכרונה לברכה - Zich-ro-nah li-v’ra-cha
May his memory be a blessing                      May her memory be a blessing

Preparing in Advance

Our tradition discourages making any kind of funeral arrangement in advance for another person, particularly when that person is ill.  Though our tradition calls for a timely burial, there is always sufficient time to attend to all the necessary arrangements.  However, our tradition permits an individual to make his/her own arrangements in advance of his/her own death.  That is why many of our parents were able to purchase cemetery plots long before there was a need for them.  Orlands, as well as most funeral homes, offers preplanning for funeral arrangements.  A prearranged funeral specifies your wishes in advance, so your family will know your preferences when the time comes.  If your family does own cemetery plots you should write the information about your cemetery plots here for easy retrieval:

Cemetery  ___________________________________ Phone ___________________

Block _________________Section __________Grave Numbers_________________
Organization___________________________Contact_________________________

Name of person who has rights to graves, if not you:

___________________________________ Phone Number_____________________

There are other issues that should be addressed well in advance: living wills, health care proxies, powers-of-attorney, and organ donation registration.  Some people will avoid dealing with any of these issues out of fear that doing so will bring on an untimely death.  We urge you to think about these issues in advance.  The following material is provided to help you.

Organ Donation

According to Rabbi Elliot Dorff, the Vice-Chair of the Rabbinical Assembly Committee on Jewish Law and Standards, “The overriding principles of honoring the dead and saving lives work in tandem.  That is, saving a person’s life is so sacred a value in Judaism that if a person’s organ can be used to save someone else’s life, it is actually an honor to the deceased.”  We strongly urge you to take the steps necessary to fulfill this important mitzvah of becoming an organ donor.  To become an organ donor, there are three steps you must take: you must decide to become a donor, you must register your decision, and you must share your decisions and wishes with your family.

In making this decision, you should know that Judaism affirms saving a life as one of the very highest mitzvot we can perform.  Organ donation is one of the ways you can fulfill the mitzvah of saving a life.  There is no objection to organ donation throughout Judaism, with the exception of the most strident traditionalists (who, in the opinion of your Jewish Center clergy, are misinterpreting our values and traditions).

Aside from religious considerations, some people are fearful that, if they are registered organ donors, they will not receive the best medical treatment to save their own lives.  Nothing is further from the truth.  We strongly encourage you to decide to become an organ donor.  Judaism affirms your choice and you will not be harmed in any way by your choice.

It is essential that you discuss this decision with your family.  Your family will be consulted before the donation can take place.  Even if you have signed your driver’s license and registered with the Organ and Tissue Donor Registry, your family can still veto your wishes.  That is why you must tell your family you want to donate to save a life, so they can respect and carry out your wishes later by giving their consent to the donation.

Family History

You should know the Hebrew names of your family members.  Our clergy will need to know the Hebrew name of the deceased for the funeral service and to confirm the proper name on the monument.

Hebrew names are made up from a person’s Hebrew given name and their parents’ Hebrew given names.  For instance, if your Hebrew given name is Peloni, your father’s Hebrew given name is Avraham and your mother’s Hebrew given name is Sarah, your Hebrew name would be Peloni ben Avraham v’Sarah.  (Peloni son of Avraham and Sarah.)  Similarly a woman would be Pelonit bat Avraham v’Sarah.  (Pelonit daughter of Avraham and Sarah.)

If you do not know the Hebrew name of a family member, there are several ways to find it or figure it out.  Yiddish was often used for Hebrew names instead of Hebrew.  Sometimes the pronunciation of the names was inadvertently changed with the passage of time.  Our clergy can help you sort this out, but you can begin the process by finding documents like a ketubah or Bar/Bat Mitzvah certificate, or a Brit Milah certificate.

You may wish to list Hebrew names for your family members here:

Person 1
Your Hebrew Name ____________________________________________________________________

Your Father’s Hebrew Name ____________________________________________________________________

Your Mother’s Hebrew Name ____________________________________________________________________

Person 2
Your Hebrew Name ____________________________________________________________________

Your Father’s Hebrew Name ____________________________________________________________________

Your Mother’s Hebrew Name ____________________________________________________________________

Your Children’s Hebrew Names
____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Your Siblings’ Hebrew Names ____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Now is also a good time to begin collecting information about your family and its history.  While family members are living, you can get together to create oral histories, special remembrances, that will be a wonderful heritage to pass on to your children and grandchildren.  There are many genealogical software programs and sites on the Internet to assist you in researching your family history.